Cable #8 Comic Book Recap: This shit is getting good.

Writer: Gerry Dugan

Artist: Phil Noto

I decided on recapping Cable this week, because this issue finally had the action we’ve been waiting for. Unlike in the X-Men comics where they just talk in a circle all day, Cable is out here doing the damn thing. And I’m talking about pubescent Cable here.

Our story begins with a partnership as old as time, Cable and Domino. Ah, young love.

Cable breaks the ice by asking her how her powers work, and she describes it like a cosmic event. Where all the asteroids just seems to line up in a certain way, and that’s her luck.

He’s counting on her luck, which caused him to follow her to Tokyo even though they’re after the clone of his older self, Stryfe and they have no proof that he would even think about going to Japan.

Cable: So we’re in Tokyo, because of your powers, right? We should be here?

Domino: What? No. I wanted Gyoza.

So they head to a spot that Domino likes and get some fucking dumplings.

How can either of you tell where the other one is looking?

Turns out, Domino is lucky because Cable wasn’t looking at her “that way” he was staring right past her head and checking out an old man Cable clone. The baby-napper in the flesh!

Cable jumps up and runs after him. Domino decides to steal a few moments to get her snack on.

My brain is telling me follow you, but my heart is saying “MAWR DUMPLINS”

Cable follows the clone through the restaurant and shoots at him while they’re in the kitchen, because restaurant workers aren’t people. No need to treat them like they deserve to live.

The baby-napper clone runs downstairs where he has some sort of secret underground hideaway and he shuts the high-tech door behind him and now Cable has nowhere to go.

Does anyone else think it’s weird that Stryfe has an underground hideaway below a dumpling shop? No? Just me. Well, fuck you, then.

After Cable shoots at the locked door a few times to no avail, he decides to walk over in front of it and cry about his life. As he is whining about how he can’t do anything right, when he literally wins everything, the high-tech door scans his retina and lets him right in.

Dummy, it’s your clone’s hideaway. Of course you can fucking get in.

Nathan and Baby-Napper have a conversation and it goes like this:

Cable: I’m pointing my gun at you!

BN: You’re dumb and you plan bad.

Cable: I’m so upset with myself and I constantly battle with inner demons.

BN: Uhk.

Cable: I’m a sad boi.

BN: I’m going to press this button

Cable: Don’t press it, I’ll shoot you.

BN: I’m gonna press it.

Cable: Don’t.

BN: I pressed it.

Then Cable shoots him and he dies. BUT all these tiny baby Cable clones come out. Okay they’re not baby-babies but they are young Cable clones. Just as cute.

LOOK AT ALL THE WITTLE BABY WUB WUBS!! (heart eyes emoji, heart eyes emoji)

Cable fights his clones, and also battles his inner demons, meanwhile, Domino walks in with dumplings hanging out of her mouth and stupidly asks “hrmrmrhshfm??”

Cops and superheroes don’t go to jail for killing people, Domino. Idiot.

She decides to take a breath and look up from her box of noodles and she pulls out her gun.

She shoots every clone except the one that yells “cease fire, I’m friendly!”

She stops and he walks over to her and he’s like “how did you know it was me?”

And she’s all, “I didn’t” Then she shoots him in the head.

And then I was like AHHH OMG. SHE SHOT HIM. SHE SHOT CABLE!

You misunderstood me, Domino! Being a cop or superhero only works if you’re a man! Women get held accountable for ALL OF their actions!

Then ANOTHER Cable dusts his knees off and comes out of the woodwork and is like, “are you out of bullets?”

And Domino is like, “yeah, but even If I had one left, I probably wouldn’t shoot you, Real Cable Baby.”

Cable calls in a team to clean up the clone bodies, meanwhile Domino is like, hey there were 12 clones in here and I only shot 11. One got away.

They dip out and find this little fool real quick. Sticking out like a tall white boy in Japan as it were.

The clone knocks Cable and Domino down and then reveals his evil plan to return to Krakoa in Cable’s place.

Domino and Cable are both being psionically held down so they can’t stop him from killing them.

Luckily, remember that weird meteor thing I mentioned earlier?

Yeah. Well one of those things comes sailing out of the sky and right into clone Cable’s pretty little face.

That’s a meteor, bitch!

Cable then blames Domino, and Domino is like, shut up I didn’t kill him, a meteor did, dummy.

So Cable is back to having no leads because this clone’s head just randomly busted open.

Domino tells Cable to lose her number and dips out. Cable then texts his buddies about how he left a bunch of dead bodies in Japan, and they let him know that X-Factor is inbound to clean up his little messy. I don’t know how they got a hold of X-Factor tho, because last I heard they were down to three measly members on account of all of them getting totally whacked by Morrigan.

COOL RIGHT?
But it’s not over! After our baby Cable story we get a little peek at what old man Cable is doing. He’s hunting some fuckers, hidden in a cape and carrying a big ass gun. That’s what Cable does best, hoes!

Cable walks in and tells his little robot buddy to wait outside.

He traipses in like he owns the place, but he notices a string on the ground, a booby trap. He’s too smart for that though and he walks right over it.

Unfortunately, right over that string is a giant hole.

So yeah, he gets immediately trapped in a pitfall.

I call this one: Cable falling into the abyss.

WHAT AN IDIOT!

What did you think about this issue? This Cable run is finally getting good huh?! I THINK SO!

PLUS WE GOT A DOMINO CAMEO!

WOW. WOW.WOW.

-Comic Book Betch

For all of your comic book updates, comic book reviews, comic book recaps, and comic book news.

X-Force #1

Yeah, X-Force #10 literally just came out, but here I am recapping the first issue from November 2019, because I AM BEHIND. It’s a pandemic, okay? And I also recently got into Dune. So that’s been a whole thing.

X-Force #1 is a new Diddy by Benjamin Percy and Johnathan Hickman.

So, like, let’s recap it shall we?

First there is this meeting of pureblood muggles who hate mutants and they want to discuss how to kill all the filthy mutants but first they need to take a blood test, because if someone inside the meeting has mutant blood they have to kill them.

So, this was back in November 2019 right? I HAVE to assume that’s where all the supplies for virus testing went and that’s why it took 6 months to get COVID-19 tests to America. WOW. The more you know.

Back to the scene, obviously there’s a mutant here, cause there is one bitch in this creepy ass masked crowd who is like heheheh, I’m wearing gloves, so blood testing is, er, not easy with those on, aye?

Then she jumps up and beats everyone to death! Just kidding they beat HER up. And who is it? It’s Domino! WHOAAA.

Movie voice: Everything was going according to plan, until her lucky streak ran cold.

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I literally just got my hair done, can you not push my head onto the floor? Like wtf?

MEANWHILE,

The Beast and Wolverine are on Krakoa, this island of mutants and monsters which we already know about because I recapped Cable #1.

Beast is following monsters around for science, not for a lay. Wolverine is beating up monsters for sport, so they disagree about stuff. THAT’S IT.

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Of course the Beast is soft, look at the fur. FLUFFY AF.

Next scene, Black Tom Cassidy is now a plankton. He straight up just listens to plants all day as they crawl over his body making him look like he needs a shower.

The plants tell him that Kitty Pryde is arriving on a giant ship for some reason with a bunch of mutant refugees.

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Why is she standing like that? When did Kitty become Jack Sparrow?

There’s a scene after this of some large guy getting on a plane.

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Does this picture make you want to lick your finger and rub it across this guy’s black dot on his forehead? No? Just me. Fine.

So then, Sage and Charles Xavier are hanging out and Sage is like “I dunno where Domino is.” And Charles is like “Okay, then, bye.” Then he walks through a mirror and ends up at a party in Sokovia where he immediately starts chugging champagne. This guy can live!

Back on the plane with the mole guy, they hit some turbulence and everyone freaks out and grabs that air thing that falls from the top when you’re in an airplane? What the hell is that called? The thing where they tell you to put your on before you put it on your own baby? Because baby can hold their breathe longer or something? Yeah that thing. Anyways, I digress. Mole man does not put the air thingy on his face and instead him and some other muscle dudes get together and take off all their clothes.

Then they put on new clothes and jump out of a plane.

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Sexy Time.

These dude bros are headed for Krakoa. Charles Xavier returns from his party and he’s wasted, and Tom Cassidy is like, “the Earth is telling me things are getting weird, bro.”

And Charles is like, “is this about the refugees, bro? Cause that’s fucked up, and Sage deals with that anyways. Do you like your job? Because a lot of people don’t like that you have it, bro.”

Then Tom is like “BRO! RUN!!”

Cause the muscle dudes are shooting at everyone.

So they run and things like “BUDDA BUDDA” and “KROOM” are littered across the pages.

Then for some reason, Black Tom lets everyone know that his genitals stink?

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There’s got to be an ointment for that.

The island of Krakoa does some fun shit, like come up and strangle bad guys with its vines. Then Charles ends up in the middle of a clearing and he puts his hands up in surrender and then one of the dudes shoots him and everyone is like “GASP” and “NOT AGAIN!” and “HE JUST STARTED WALKING LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?”

And then Sage, who was not fighting at all and in some room somewhere is like “Hey guys, are you there? I can’t feel Charles anymore, how is this possible?”

And it’s like, damn Sage, you can’t figure out why his spirit disappeared from your radar while there are explosions all over the island? She stupid.

AND THAT WAS IT!

Killing off your main character in the first book was stolen right from George R.R. Martin, but I guess it’s fine. All ideas are borrowed anyway right?

What did ya’ll think of this issue? What did ya’ll think of this recap? Let me know in the comments below who you think the dumbest a-hole is in this issue. Is it Black Tom for referring to himself in third person? ¬†Charles Xavier for getting his ass shot and killed again? Or Piotr for still hanging out with Kitty Pryde?