Episode 22 of Relatable With Ilsa and Kyra

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relatable-with-ilsa-and-kyra/id1572357643

This one is a long one because we get very deep into conversation about Batman’s dick.

What else would you expect from your reladies?

Zoom quality was bad and we lost the first half of the audio so this one was quite an adventure to put out!

Stay till the end for the amazing Loki theories and Easter eggs we reveal!!

XOXO,

Comic Book Bitch

For all of your comic book resources, comic book news, Loki updates, Marvel trailers, Batman dick, and nerdy gossip!

Conan The Barbarian Uses a Human Shield Against The X-Men!

And you’ll never guess who it was!

Or maybe you will!

It was Deadpool!

The best human shield in the land! He is knife proof, bulletproof, and even nuclear bomb proof.

It is nice knowing that at the end of the world, Deadpool will still be there with his little thumbs up.

If anyone survives the end of the world, I want it to be Ryan Reynolds.

Deadpool, Conan and Night Flyer break into the Hellfire Club to grab a little spending money. Unfortunately three X-Men (Ice Man, Calisto, Bishop) show up, as the Hellfire Club is for them. Soon Calisto pulls out a tiny dagger, that Deadpool scoffs at, joking that Ant-Man must have gotten a hold of her sword- she slashes at Deadpool and he falls into Conan’s loving arms.

I’m sure that Deadpool initially enjoyed this. Being caught by his teammate, and new friend. Finally someone cares for Deadpool! He must have felt warm and happy being held onto by those big muscular arms. I can almost hear him tittering now.

Of course, that turns out not to be the best position for Deadpool to be in. After they are threatened once again by the X-Men, Conan pulls Deadpool in tighter. Deadpool, probably believing this to be a nice hug after he was brutally stabbed, falls tenderly into the hug.

Unfortunately, this is when Bishop starts shooting, and Conan, with nothing but Deadpool to protect himself throws Deadpool’s bulletproof body right into Bishop’s line of fire.

Now, I’ve seen everything.

I guess that’s why they’re the savage avengers, cause that was savage af.

After that a battle ensues and ends on a very intriguing note. I gotta say, If you haven’t picked up Savage Avengers #18 yet, then what happens on the last page- a battle-ending blow- is worth it to get up now and scramble to the closest Comic Book store to pick up your issue!

-Comic Book Betch

For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, and Deadpool updates.

Deadpool #10 Comic Book Recap: Let’s Merc These Hoes

It’s the last run in Kelly Thompson’s Deadpool! How could they do this to us? To me? To you? Marvel, you hate us, but why? WHY??

Welcome back to another edition of your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Betch. This week I shall be recapping Deadpool #10. And Guess what the fuck what? It’s a King in Black adventure again!!! When Marvel goes for it, they go for it.

Written by the hilarious Kelly Thompson

Art by Gerardo Sandoval

Cover by Chris Sotomayor

Deadpool, or King Deadpool as he is known by now, is lamenting about the King in Black and how they’ll let anyone be King these days, and this King in Black has left the city, and his island, the Island of Staten…why did I say that? He’s on Staten Island. Anyways the whole country or world or something is covered in black goo. Same shit different issue.

Deadpool decides to have a groupthink with his honor guard, unfortunately everyone’s pretty dumb there, except for Elsa Bloodstone, who, if you’re not new to this blog, you know that I FUCKING STAN!

I can’t wait to see King Deadpool cosplay at a con.

In the groupthink they decide to form ANOTHER team, other than this guard, because the Island of Staten is full of monsters to choose from.

They form a team and then they walk into the room really cool like this:

What a badass group of monsters. And, awkwardly, one monster hunter.

So after they do their cool walk, these weird little priest monsters come in and tell King Deadpool that it’s the end of days, and Deadpool is like “Yeah. IT FUCKING ALWAYS IS.”

Unimpressed, Deadpool is about to walk away when the priest informs him that the monster that is here (The King in Black) is going to devour the King of Monsters as is prophesied, this gets Deadpool’s attention because HE IS the King of Monsters. But, Deadpool says that there is no way this is the Priests monster that they prophesied, it is a Marvel monster and it’s a comic book event, so instead of worrying about these priests and their dumb prophecies, he takes his team of monsters and goes to battle!

Okay, Kohlaab the Pile is definitely touching the symbiote.

Then it gets really sad because the monster eats the snowman, who I did not even bother to mention earlier, but he’s cool because he only speaks in winter-related puns, see what I did there?

NOT FROSTY THE UNMELTABLE SNOWMAN!

Shiny, the monster who shines a light through his mouth, opens his mouth and shoots a blinding hole through the wing of one of the venom dragons, and this gives the team a chance to regroup.

Then this next part is really cool. I love this comic book. Deadpool is literally such a great character and having Kelly Thompson write him!? UGH CHEF’S KISS.

Jeff the Shark touches the goo, and Deadpool is noticeably upset but he promises to find a way to save Jeff, Jeff is already turned though, and bites Deadpool on the hand. Elsa says they can’t afford to have Deadpool turned by the black goo because he is indestructible, TRUE, so Deadpool hacks off his hand. I love this comic book. Deadpool is the fucking best.

They totally stole this from The Walking Dead, except Rick is a bitch who can’t grow back limbs.

Deadpool and the team decide to do another cool group walk back into the scene, but it is rudely interrupted by Jelby, who left their group behind in issue #6. He comes bearing gifts though, a gift in the form of Jeff the Shark safely hidden away in a bowl of Jelby’s jelly.

The entire teams climbs inside of Jelby and they take on the venom dragon from inside of Jelby, Deadpool coins their conjoining as the “Monster-Tron” Patent pending.

I don’t know where all those lights are coming from, There is only one Shiny on the team that I know about.

Using a combination of butts and brains they are able to defeat the dragon symbiote monster, or at least they are able to throw the dragon into a giant hole, but as Elsa points out “it’s got sodding wings!”

This leads to the writer to doing a tie-in to a previous issue, and it’s all very romantic and beautiful and breaking of the fourth wall. As all Deadpool comics are.

He loves red heads. This is canon af.

As Deadpool fends off the dragon from below, Jelby jumps down to save the day!

He contains the dragon in his little jelly belly and Wade is forced to sever another limb to stop the symbiote goo from taking him over…but that does give me pause? Could these severed limbs come back as symbiotes? hmmmm…I GUESS NOT BECAUSE JUST LIKE ARMIE HAMMER, THIS SHIT IS CANCELED.

The day is saved, but there is still one thing left to deal with!

Deadpool already sounds like a dad.

They take a note from Spider-Man and get the symbiote off of Jeff using some loud-ass music. And then Jeff is back to normal and so freaking cute. I cannot.

LOOK AT THAT FACE OMG. OMFG.I LOVE YOU JEFF THE SHARK! I might get this last panel tattooed on me. Thoughts?

King Deadpool saves the day, and it turns out the priests were wrong, the monster will be coming to get him in 2022. A line is forming outside so that Deadpool can pay for the property damages he caused with all of this fighting, and Elsa gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek. All is well, except that this run is getting canceled and it’s the fucking worst thing that could happen to any of us because it is so good. I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept.

Deadpool Acts of Evil Issue #1 Recap!!

Got my hands on a pretty sweet annual this week. It’s nice to be back to reading my comics. I can’t tell you how far I’ve fallen behind this summer. Now that it’s getting cold out and I’ll never leave my house again, I get to catch up on all my favorite heroes. And when I made my trip to the comic book store this week I just couldn’t pass up an opportunity to pick up a new Deadpool.

I don’t want to bore you with the gory details, so let’s get into this recap.

Deadpool Acts of Evil starts with this kid having a nightmare. He is walking down this long, spooky hallway holding a candle stick and at the end of the hallway is this scary ass lawn gnome. Lawn gnomes suck. They’re just ugly little ghouls who sit in your yard.

 

Then we find Deadpool who is playing a game at an arcade where he shoots babies.

With vaccinations.

He’s not some crazy ass goose.

This mailman finds him and gives him a letter from the Nightmare kid which spurs Deadpool into calling the mailman every name of every famous mailman from TV ever. I didn’t recognize 99% of the refrences. Sooooo, nice try tho. It was almost a funny bit.

Deadpool absconds with the mailman’s truck and makes his way to the little boy’s house. His hot babysitter, Kim, answers the door and Deadpool hilariously mistakes her for the boys mother.

The boy hears Deadpool arrive and believes it to be Squirrel Girl. He is surprised and somewhat upset that it’s not Squirrel Girl as he wrote to her 200 times about his nightmares and wrote to Deadpool only once. The boy’s room is also covered in Squirrel Girl memorbilia. The child is a freak, but Deadpool is the reason that bitch is famous now so I guess it was a clever callback.

I seem like I hate this story, because I’m a salty little bitch, but trust me it gets good.

Deadpool learns that Kim is the babysitter and not the boys mom. The boy explains that she watches him on weekends and his neighbor, Mr. Hewitt, watches him during the week. Meanwhil his parents vacation on their fourth honeymoon.

Deadpool hears the boys story about his bad dreams and realizes that he needs to get into the boy’s nightmares to kill the perp. SO the only place he can go is Dr. Strange’s Sanctamonium. Obviously.

He breaks his ass in and steals a totem from Dr. Strange’s collection of mysterious objects meanwhile some bald ass monk ninja’s him with some crazy moves. This is all well and good though because in order for Deadpool to enter the dreamworld he has to die. So he hurls himself out of a window, naturally.

It works and he ends up in a Nightmare land that Neil Gaiman would be envious of.

He meets the aptly named villian, Nighmare. Nightmare is this green guy who looks kind of like Loki? Mixed with the guy who played the Crow? Idk. He’s a nightmare. So turns out the Nightmare feeds on fears or something and speaks in rhymes. He tortures some of the most famous people in the world, such as Queen Marie Antoinette and President Abraham Lincoln. Ripe for spin-off. We could learn some shit!!

Anyways Nightmare is like: now I’m going to feed of your fears, Deadpool!

And Deadpool is like: well, I fear clowns, cows, and clown cows but I’m not here to fight them. I’m hear to save this boy from a terrible fate.

So Nightmare is all: I only feed off their fears and let them bring their fears to my realm. Whatever goes on in their shitty lives outside of this that creates the nightmare is not really my problem. Ya dig?

So Deadpool is all: Oh, so the nightmares are coming from something bad happening in his waking life, got it. Thanks for your Ted Talk. Can you show me the nightmare so I can figure it out.

Nightmare: Yeah, totes. Here ya go.

Then he shows Deadpool the nightmare of the lawn gnome running at the boy and Deadpool is like oh shit. I gotta wake up and be alive again because now I gots to kill someone in real life.

He rips off the amulet and comes back to life after hurling himself out of the window you know? So theres like this crowd of people like “omg is he dead?” But then he just gets up and this one guy is like “go to a hospital!” And Deadpool is like “erm, how about no, Scott.”

*Triggering*

Then he makes them pay for his uber back to the kids house so he can catch the NEIGHBOR MR. HEWITT right before he attacks the little boy. As it turns out the nieghbor had been creating the nightmares the little boy was experiencing because he was a pedophile. The worst kinda fuck up.

So Deadpool beats the shit out of him. SO hard in fact, I’m pretty sure the pedophile is dead. Which  is great because you know once he got better he would go back to fucking little boys again.

The little boy wakes up and is like :Deadpool? What’s going on.

And Deadpool is like : You owe me 7 dollars.

So DP jumps out of another window after taking his payment, this time he lands successfully on his two feet.

Dr. Strange comes out of the glowing hole he likes to come out of and yells at him like wtf, hoe? You broke into my GoTDAMN home. SO Deadpool is like yeah to help a little boy, yeesh. Here’s your dumbass amulet back I don’t even want it anymore.

So Dr Strange is like, did the amulet work? What happened? Ooo.

And Deadpool is like, I saw some dreams and met a guy named Nightmare.

Then an old woman approaches them on the street to ask if they are magicians because she needs someone to be an act at her son or grandson’s birthday party. She is old af so IDK how she has a 12 year old. She looks about 80. BUt white people age like milk so I guess she could be 50?

ANYWAYS Dr. Strange leaves in his fire hole and Deadpoool is like I’ll do it, but she don’t want him. So he just leaves.

THE END.

Wow. I feel like I learned something and I felt something. When I first read it, I was like holy shit. Deadpool for some reason has become the hero that can talk about the hard things in life. I remember the comic book Marvel did with him about the girl who was going to commit suicide and he took her on a long trip to show her that life has meaning, especially hers. It was a beautiful take. And I personally liked how they did this comic.

Have you read Deadpool Acts of Evil yet??

What did you think!? Let me know in the comments!!

Deadpool Acts of Evil was Written by: Dana Schwartz

Penciled by: Reilly Brown

Inked by : Nelson De Castro and Craig Yeung

Color: Matt Herms and Guru-2fx

Cover by Aaron Kruder and Michael Garland

Variant cover by: John Tyler Christopher

 

 

 

Deadpool: Back in Black

Yup. As it turns out Peter Parker’s pesky alien symbiote has taken another lover. In this lovely comic we are whisked back to the 80s and find out that Deadpool rocked the black costume WAY BEFORE or at least ya know, right before, Peter Parker did. Deadpool is cool like that.

Our story begins where Peter and alien symbiote’s ended. Peter Parker is crying under that bell like a little…buhhh—spider. And the symbiote is like “this dude’s a p*ssy I got getta the eff out of here.” So the alien takes Peter away from the bell and hides under the floorboards waiting for another host in a church cause he’s like “I’m DONE hanging out with that guy.”

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He finds a way nicer friend.

He soon finds love with a kind janitor who feeds him his dead wife’s stale candy. BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE’S A SPACESHIP. His alien family bombs the church, so he saves his janitor friend from the explosion by wrapping his body around the old man saving him! The aliens descend from the ship looking like an 80s rock band. All of this basically pushes the janitor into having a stroke. AND HE DIDN’T TAKE HIS DAMN PILLS THIS MORNING. ARE YOU CRYING BECAUSE I’M SOBBING!! He said “I j-just didn’t think I would be attacked by aliens today.” SOBBING. THE OLD JANITOR WITH THE DEAD WIFE WHO BEFRIENDED AN ALIEN IS GONNA DIE FROM A STROKE!!! I CAN’T.

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If you are not crying right now you have no soul

Meanwhile, the alien has to find someone to bond to it and we catch up with Deadpool and Machine Man who are at a club and Machine Man is being mind-controlled or something. Idk. I just got here too.

Also, Deadpool gouged out his own eyes so there’s that. Must have something to do with the mind control. Like a Medusa but with minds thing. The symbiote is chilling in the rafters above the club while Deadpool blindly dodges Machine Man’s uncontrollable blasts.

A bunch of dudes in hoods are at the club, and they’re white guys so you know they’re up to something. Deadpool takes out his guns and shoots them using his “sense of smell” since he doesn’t have eye sight. He manages to miss every single one of these naz–uh whoever these guys are, so he just throws his gun at them. GOOD PLAN B.

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This bitch.

Deadpool’s eyes start to heal and grow back as Machine Man pulls him into Dansen Macabre’s mind-controlling gaze.

Luckily our symbiote comes to our hero’s rescue. Is Deadpool our hero? Or is the alien? I really liked that janitor….

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Brains? Does Machine Man have organs?

Deadpool + symbiote almost kills Machine Man, but stops himself and turns his attention on the white guys in hoods.

With the help of his symbiote suit, he is able to conjure out many black tentacles in which to grab several guns and shoot everyone who surrounds him.

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Deadpool in the middle of every POC’s nightmare

But this power that Deadpool is feeling is not a new feeling he remembers an old mission in which he found the symbiote which he hoped would improve his costume.

But it was lyke, ya know, an alien so he decided to pawn it off on Spider-Man instead. Deadpool believes that suit imprinted on him and found his way back to him…Deadpool gains web shooting powers and he is very excited that he is able to “thwip” now.

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Not every little boy’s first reaction.

Also there was some statue there I forgot to mention. I guess it was worth money and Deadpool wanted to sell it, but Machine Man didn’t because it belonged in a museum or something. So Deadpool leaves the statue next to a passed out Machine Man to protect. Luckily he wakes up before it gets stolen again. SPOILER. oh. I should have said that first.

ANYWAYZ the aliens who blew up the church are still looking for the symbiote and they catch on to his scent and find out that he’s playing “super hero” again. HAHAHAHA NO. THESE BITCHES DON’T EVEN KNOW. He’s playing “mentally ill mercenary who likes to kill people and can’t be killed.” That game is way more fun. It’s like he was playing apples to apples which is mad fun but now he’s playing cards against humanity.

Oh Deadpool, will you ever disappoint me? Is it possible you could? No, No you could not.

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FAV!!