Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
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Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!
I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.
But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭
Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?
I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.
But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?
Am I thinking way too much into this??
Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.
Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch
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The first issue of this comic book by Jonathan Maberry really got me interested in this series, in the second part of the story we find out more about who is behind the Chika-who-da-whats-its virus. And it’s white people. SPOILER.
In the last issue we learned that Moses set up a group of people together to find out who is behind this contagion that has killed 800,000 people. And Chick and De are on it.
They scope out a science HQ and drop in. Chick thinks it’s going to be easy, but De knows that they need proof. So that’s their main mission. Get in without taking too many lives, and get out with proof that these a-holes are behind an ethnic genocide using bio-weapons.
What’s so interesting about this story is it happens all the time in the world, perhaps not to this scale, but ethnic groups are targeted by people with more money or more technology all the time. I mean, America was literally created by decimating groups of brown people by white people bringing in their nasty-ass plagues because they used to live on streets with poop on them. Plus they were infested with all kinds of STIs cause they hoes which they happily passed onto these brown people who have no tolerance for it. So that was cool. ANYWAYS, I digress.
Does anyone else love how eloquently I write?
Chick and De come in hot, blowing up these scientists and their security guards left and right. Chick is like “this is fun.” De is like “Um we need someone alive to question.”
Chick and De find a scientist to question. He tells them that the people responsible call themselves the “Ark” and forced the scientists into creating these viruses through extortion and blackmail. He mentioned that they possessed “photos” so you know, they were probably cheating on their wives with transgender hookers or looking at kiddie porn online. Most men are terrible.
The scientist tells them everything about who hired them and the different viruses his team created and targeted. But sadly, they can’t take him with them because he gets shot in the head by a snyper. A dumb snyper who doesn’t shoot the other two. Like, hello? Shoot De and Chick. Anyways, they left a bomb inside the place so I guess that was supposed to take care of them, but it didn’t because they didn’t make it back inside before the bomb exploded. So now they don’t have evidence, except what they heard from the guy who is dead now. They should have worn body cams. JUST MY OPINION.
De and Chick return to their HQ without a scientist, without samples, without any evidence since it was all blown up and/or shot in the head. The people at the HQ discuss their next steps.
Moses: We need evidence and since Pandemica is unofficial we can’t ask for samples.
De: We’ll just kill a bunch of people and get the samples that way.
Chick: Loverboy is on their team. He scares me. I keep his photo with me always.
Scientist: So, as it turns out these viruses also cause random mutations in differing people. It’s only a matter of time before these mutations become extreme. Like in this photo, comic book betch is going to show you below.
INT: The Ark – Day
The billionaire guy from issue #1 and his evil daughter are speaking with one of their scientists discussing these new mutations.
Billionaire Guy: What’s happening, why are white people mutating?
Scientist: There is no such thing as ethnic purity.
Evil Daughter: Um, actually everyone with white skin is ethnically pure except for Jews. Idiot. Haven’t you ever read books by these racists, Arthur de Gobineu and Hans Gunther!? They say Eugenics is the shit. And I’m here to tell you, absolutely fuck yeah. If these white people are mutating it’s because they have mud in their blood. I’m going to start calling them Mudbloods.
Scientist: Mudbloods is a made-up slur for witches and wizards born to muggles in the Harry Potter universe.
ED: Oh then, I’ll call them No-Majs.
Scientist: What? That is less offensive, but it’s a term for muggles in America-
ED: I’m not understanding.
Scientist: Anyways, these viruses are mutating white people which are dangerous to the population and you’ve basically started an apocalypse. That’s where this story is going now. Please follow along.
We’re done with that scene, next up Moses and the Scientist he has put on some bio-suits and go into the wild for some samples.
These “dirty white” mutants have taken over a bunch of cities, like Washington DC and Philadelphia.
The Pandemica crew discusses how unhelpful their government in America is, since these outbreaks are happening in 32 states and many people are dying, and the government is simply calling it a “natural disaster.”
De believes that is the Ark blackmailed their scientists they probably blackmailed some key people in Washington. They decide to take what they know to the media instead of relying on the government for support. And what they know is that being white isn’t enough when it comes to bio-weapons. The disproportionate numbers come from, most likely, vaccinations beforehand. So what they need is the blood of the ones who have survived these outbreaks. Moses says that won’t work because people can refuse to have their blood drawn. De and Chick said, that’s not a problem for them because they don’t need permission.
Back to the white baddies. They’re at some sort of white person soiree. And one of their friends is mutating from these diseases they unleashed. It turns out that The billionaire guy has a “bloodhound” that MIGHT be able to stop the mutations. But it might also kill all the white people, too. The BG doesn’t care though because he believes himself to be a chosen one from God or something.
Then we do another cut-to, to the future this time. De is carrying a baby in a hazmat suit. As it turns out, this bloodhound completely destroyed the world as we know it and the key to something lies in the baby’s blood. But De can’t let the baby fall into the wrong hands, so she is protecting her. But then this happens.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:
Don’t trust gingers.
K, thanks for reading! SERIOUSLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! If you liked this go ahead and leave me a comment!
I got a new one for ya. This shit looks good. It is by DC and it is of the Green Lantern variety.
For those of you new to Comic Book Betch, I recap comic books terribly and make fun of everything, but I do love comic books and want everyone to read them. It’s called satire, people. Now that you’re all caught up, let’s just talk about it? K!?!
Far Sector #1 is a “mind-bending mystery” that takes us to “the edge of the universe.”
This book is written by N.K. Jemisin (who is smarter and cooler than me) with art by Jamal Campbell.
The majority of the dialogue in this comic book is this Green Lantern betch, Sojourner “Jo” Mullein, talking to herself and from now on we shall be referring to her as GREEN LANTERN BETCH. NOW TO THE STORY.
SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED WUZ, a murder takes place for the first time in 500 years.
ALSO we are in the future or something and on another planet. I think you should know that. We will find out more about this place later. For now let’s focus on this G.
GL Betch is trying to solve a murder, however as she talks to this robot citizen she realizes that the city is not really equipped for this kind of situation. Since crimes do not occur they don’t have the manpower, facilities, or forensics for this type of shit.
Green Latern or GL Betch is talking to this robot again and the robot is like “I don’t know what to do!!” And she’s like “Yeah, I know, bitch. Get your forensics team on this and once you identify who the body is notify their kin. PS. I don’t know what I’m doing either because this is the first murder I have ever worked on. So, I hope that inspires a lot of confidence from ya’ll.”
So the place GL Betch has landed is a city much like Manhattan and, much like Manhattan, it is home to 20 billion people.
The city is aptly named “The City of the Enduring.” And GLB is like these citizens need to get it together because this is only the beginning of a series of murders that are about to take place up in this bitch.
She doesn’t have much time to educate these peoples and after she lets them know all the two things she knows about forensics she has to meet with the “Peace Captain.”
The sky at the City of the Enduring isn’t real, it’s made up by the combined thoughts of the citizens. So weird. It is a shielded planet and it keeps out anything that could hurt the people of this enduring city. The Peace Captain’s name is Syzn of the Cliffs, By the Streaking Ice. Which is annoying.
Syzn takes our hero to meet with the Trilogy which is something like their Supreme Court or Ruling Court. Whatever. It’s made up of three rulers from the three different races that live in the City of the Enduring. To me, three races is not enough races, but whatever. I’m thinking they maybe overarching races from different planets, like humans, aliens, and robots or something.
The Nah race is headed by this hot guy with dread locks and a douche-bag smile. The @At are led by this IG hoe, and keh-Topli are led by this hungry and dead-looking monster man. Out of all of them, I hate the hungry, dead man so far.
Anyways GLB sits down with these betches and the first to acknowledge their presence is @At girl. All I can think about when I see @At are those Star Wars giraffes.
Anyways, this betch is like “we can’t wait to hear your report, human”
And GLB is like “Well, hoe, I already sent you the report so just read it or download it or whatever the fuck it is YOU PEOPLE do. Now someone get me a fucking chair, I am important.”
So GLB easily insults everyone in the room before taking her seat, so Syzn decides to introduce GLB to everyone so that GLB will realize that she can’t talk shit to such important people. GLB sort of phased that she insulted them but not really, because she a bad bitch.
NOW, after all of the boring introductions are made she goes on to think to herself that the hot Nah guy is a pompous asshole and that the keh-Topli dude is just gross. She a judgmental ass hoe and I’m on her side. Fuck politeness as they would say in my favorite podcast ever. Let’s move on shall we?
They finally discuss the murder and find out who the victim is and what happened to him. He was an average white guy that no one will miss and it turns out that he was half-eaten. The gross dude who is the head of the keh-Topli is like “OMG that sounds like something my people would do!” and GLB is like “yeah we already know who did it. But get this, it’s going to keep happening. It’s not over. THIS ISN’T AN ISOLATED INCIDENT!”
So the Trilogy is taken aback because they have the girl whodunnit and found his remains in his stomach and everything, but they don’t know why he did it.
GLB says that it’s the first incident in the beginning of a killing epidemic. And then she gets all serious.
Instead of thinking about how they would prevent one, GLB decides to let us know how the City of the Enduring came to be. As it turns out these three species grew up around the same time and became besties. But then an evil empire came down and turned them against each other. OH NO!
So then bestie turned against bestie. Until the besties decided that they knew who the true enemy was: their emotions. So they turned them off and returned to peace.
None of the Trilogy have feelings, but they kinda do I think. Anyways GLB is all “I still have feelings.” OKAY WE GET IT.
So I guess they decided that a drug was behind the murder because this person clearly had feelings. And GLB asks @AT to figure it out, but her people can’t and did a deep download within seconds, and GLB is pissed that @At couldn’t find out anything. Then @At almost calls her a meat salad and GLB is like “what bitch?” And @At is like “I didn’t say it, I almost said it. K thanks Bye.”
GLB is sick of their bullshit and takes to the streets. Syzn is like “where are you going?” And GLB is like “to talk to the murderer first and then the other people that live here because clearly you hoes are out of touch with reality and I need to get on the ground floor of this mess”
You go, Glenn Coco.
Then GLB has this memory of when she got the Green Lantern Ring. And we care.
After GLB decides to leave the meeting she is followed out by the hot douche bag from the Nah people and he basically asks her out on a date.
She decides that he’s going to be a problem and runs away from him because she has shit to do.
She wants to speak to murderer but she runs into this annoying ass assistant that Syzn told should keep tabs on our hero. She says she just wants to speak to the suspect and the assistant is all “we all tried talking to her but she is asleep.” And GLB is like “oh, a food coma” and the assistant is like “wuh?”
They go together to where the suspect is being held and find her to be split open and something that is blurred jumps out of the body. Green Lantern is like “oh fuck “and the assistant is like “I’m a little bitch boy what do I do?” And Green Lantern says “Get the fuck outta my way.” And he fist glows.
Just wow. I feel a I did a piss-poor job in explaining this comic book. But it is definitely something I recommend to check out. This is a fantastic fucking writer we are talking about and this is bound to be good. I love the protagonist because she isn’t written like a normal comic book character. She doesn’t come off as headstrong or overly emotional like other female characters feel when written by male writers. Yeah, I’m going there. She just seems normal. Like any other hero I could get behind. Yay for ladies writing ladies!
I honestly cannot get over how well the character is already written. And how female characters are inserted into this comic book. I know I’m hyper aware of the lack of strong, female characters in all forms of literature, but this really gives me hope for the future. This is a character that I am already behind and ready to learn more about. I can’t wait to read issue #2!
What did you think of this comic book? What are you guys reading now?? Anything you’d like me to recap, terribly?? Let me know in the comments!