Even Typhoid Mother Fucking Mary Has Found Love

wedding bells for some top tier Marvel characters!!

Spoilers ahead for Daredevil #35

If you’ve been reading this Daredevil series by Chip Zdarksy, then you know that Wilson Fisk and Typhoid Mary have been slowly falling in love throughout the series run, and what began as a simple professional relationship has now culminated in a full ass-blown engagement.

Now, I didn’t see no ring. And sis, although Zdarksy has confirmed their will be a wedding in issue #36, the way it all went down wasn’t exactly traditional.

First off, this mfer don’t got no ring. He ain’t on bended knee and he never even asked the damn question. He said “will you?” And Mary said, “yes I’ll marry you.”

Bitch he could’ve been asking you to tie his shoes for him. After all, you are under his employ as his personal bodyguard.

Also where the hell did all your personalities go? Don’t tell me you’re pulling a Deadpool and just leaving them all behind?

Yeah, I said it.

Well, congratulations to the disturbing and happy couple!!

Lock down that ring, sis! Tell him you wanna go to Tiffany’s TONIGHT!

XOXO- Comic Book Bitch

Fuck Off Everyone

Eternals Fans Hungry For Blood After Post-Credits Scene Is Spoiled Online

Tell me why you had to fucking do that to me?

So, the Eternals finally made its world premiere on October 19th, which I will now be referring to as D-Day. As it is the day I died of anger, frustration, and hope for the future.

After the red carpet screening, one fucking loser ass journalist who thinks he’s fucking cool decided to FUCKING SPOIL EVERYTHING

A POST-CREDIT SCENE. And if you don’t know what the fuck was spoiled then please do not continue reading, because maybe you can have happiness one day. I certainly cannot.

Literally, this spoiler almost seems planted. Because how the fuck did they keep this under wraps for so fucking long?

Do you know what I’m talking about or are you ready to be spoiled friend? Literally stop. Stop now if you don’t know. This is your last warning. I only wish I had had such a warning.

Ugh I can’t even be happy about it. The one and only Harry Styles is now a part of the MCU as Eros, brother of that purple-dicked Thanos and cousin to Athena, aka Angelia Jolie.

I can only imagine how much I would have screamed and cried while watching that post credit scene but alas I’ll never get to enjoy it because it was fucking spoiled for me by some dumbass who works for Variety or whatever and I will never read Variety again, because literally I will never forgive anyone for this. LITERALLY NEVER. After the rude ass spoiler tweet was splashed across Twitter timelines everywhere, other outlets decided to tell people too. Just like me. Wow, the victim has become the victomer. Or wait? Idk I’m drunk.

I could have been happy. I could have cried tears of joy seeing Harry Styles revealed as Eros, but instead Disney decided that they want Harry Styles’ fans money. FUCK OUTTA HERE.

LET US FANS OF MARVEL WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE AND BE EXCITED. And then when we have all seen Eternals and the post credit scenes then some hack from an entertainment magazine can tweet out what happens. Then those fucking Harry Styles stans can pay their parents money to go see the god damn movie. You just want a good opening weekend and you assumed that Angelina Jolie and Salma Hayek couldn’t bring in those numbers. And for that I am ashamed of Marvel.

I am ashamed to be an MCU fan, and I literally don’t even think I’m being dramatic. Death to nameless twitter guy, I blocked him on Twitter already though so don’t fucking worry. Pretty sure I reported his ass too.

I am so sorry to everyone that would have loved to find this out by themselves.

Fuck off everyone.

XOXO – Comic Book Bitch.

Tom Holland Was Rude To Me

Tom Holland Rude To Blogger

Tom Holland, pretend boyfriend of myself, personally attacked me yesterday when he described his third Marvel/Sony Spider-Man film as the end of a franchise.

Spider-Man: No Way Home star, Tom Holland said the third Spidey is the end of the trilogy. And that’s just fucking rude.

“We were all treating [No Way Home] as the end of a franchiseI think if we were lucky enough to dive into these characters again, you’d be seeing a very different version. It would no longer be the Homecoming trilogy.”

He then went on to say that if they did move on with the franchise it would be completely different from the original films. Like, I fucking get it, okay? I do.

But Tom Holland better get it to-fucking-gether, because Marvel is not letting your ass go. NO! *spoiler* Venom just licked your fucking face! You still in this bitch and you better get ready. We get it, you’re like 47 at this point and it’s hard playing a 17-year-old next to Zendaya, the supermodel created in a lab to be perfect, but throw some botox in that forehead and get applying to Empire University because I’m fucking ready for it.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT IN THESE TRYING TIMES. See you in the multiverse, Spidey love.

XOXO-

Comic Book Bitch

The Flash Movie Is Not Fetch, It’s Actually Happening

DC finally decided to make The Flash Movie Happen

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show the fuck up.

Principal photography on Warner Bros. and DC Films’ The Flash is officially a bitch walking into Starbucks and finding a line out the door. So done.

Get it? No? Okay I’ll keep trying.

Colin Nicolson, a sound mixer for the movie confirmed the wrap on his IG. “That’s a wrap on The Flash. #influencer #la #lainfluencer #soundguy #soundguyinfluencer #soundguyinfluencersofinstagram.”

Production on The Flash has suffered massive setbacks, like literally the writers were signed back in 2015. I was like, still a fetus then. Goo goo gah gah.

Like, a whole bunch of shit happened to cause these delays including Seth Grahame-Smith signing on to direct and dipping out only to be replaced by Rick Famuyiwa, who is was like “oops I signed on to The Flash? I thought I was signing on to The Rash, a post apocalyptic feature about and STI running rampant.” .

After that dude left, Warner Bros. got Joby Harold to rewrite the script cause it was shit. Now we’re in fucking 2018 and I’m finally out of the womb still waiting on this damn movie.

John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein were announced as the new directors, but that was literally just an April Fools joke, because then, Andy Muschietti was named the new director in August 2020, and production began with bitches in masks in April 2021. Despite the new script and new director, there were still some setbacks like an accident with a Batcycle. Whatever the fuck that is. Listen I don’t make the news, I just copy paste it and then make fun of it.

Barry Allen will be played by the great Ezra Miller, which I have no jokes about because Ezra Miller to The Flash is Ryan Reynolds to Deadpool.

Also there are some Batman’s in this movie including Ben Affleck and Michael Keaton. Um, who gonna tell DC that Marvel is already doing multiverses?

You know who won’t be in this movie and was supposed to be? A hot guy with metal arms!!

That’s right I’m fucking tal’m bout Cyborg. He was supposed to be in it but fucking Joss Whedon is a mother fucking white man who hates black people AND women SO! Ain’t happening. They were gonna be besties but racism is real!

So excited for another superhero movie starring a straight white male!! 😀

Episode 22 of Relatable With Ilsa and Kyra

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relatable-with-ilsa-and-kyra/id1572357643

This one is a long one because we get very deep into conversation about Batman’s dick.

What else would you expect from your reladies?

Zoom quality was bad and we lost the first half of the audio so this one was quite an adventure to put out!

Stay till the end for the amazing Loki theories and Easter eggs we reveal!!

XOXO,

Comic Book Bitch

For all of your comic book resources, comic book news, Loki updates, Marvel trailers, Batman dick, and nerdy gossip!

Live Reaction to Loki Episode 5- Journey Into Mystery

youtube.com/watch

In this episode I only go a little bit insane. Full of spoilers so watch with caution!!

Xoxo,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Comic Book Bitch

Episode 21 of Relatable With Ilsa and Kyra – Pizza Rats

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relatable-with-ilsa-and-kyra/id1572357643

In this episode Ilsa and Kyra discuss the legendary tale of the Pizza Rat, their low standards of living, and they celebrate America’s birthday! Happy 2021st birthday to you John Adams!

Then it’s time for So Fucking Quiche or Not Fucking Quiche!

Topics include Robert Rodriguez, Spider-Man couplings, and the new Peacemaker series coming to HBOMax.

Before Ilsa and Kyra get into the recaps for Loki and the Bad Batch, they die and become Force Ghosts because Ryan Reynolds has a fucking TikTok!!

This is a fun one and I hope you enjoy!!

Xoxo,

Your friendly neighborhood Comic Book Bitch.

Wanda Maximoff AKA the Scarlet Witch can travel through multiverses!

uhhhh what!!!

Elizabeth Olsen recently spilled the beans on The Hollywood Reporter‘s Awards Chatter podcast!

I mean, this makes total sense considering she will play an important role in the Multiverse of Madness movie. Which will be about… moving through multiple universes.

But apparently, at the end of the final episode of WandaVision *SPOILERS* we can see her meditating. What she is doing is searching through Multiverses to find Tommy and Billy 😭

Damn telekinesis, chaos magic, reality warping, and now she can travel through universes? What the bitch can’t do?

I knew this wasn’t the last we would see of Tommy and Billy.

But I do have one question, if Wanda can travel through universes and find alternate versions of people, then can’t she find alternative versions of herself? And what version would that be okay to steal another Wanda’s babies. Da fuq? And who is to say that Tommy and Billy even exist in another universe at all? I guess if they do, let’s say there are limitless universes and 100 of them have Tommy and Billy’s. And in 99 of them they have parents, but in one they are orphans? I guess she could pluck them out of that timeline?

Am I thinking way too much into this??

Sorry whenever the podcast goes on hiatus I just can’t help but nerd out on here with my bullshit theories!

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your theories about Wanda and her universe traveling abilities.

Xoxo- Comic Book Bitch

For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, comic book updates, marvel news, marvel updates, scarlet witch theories, and WandaVision fan theories

Season Finale of My Podcast, Relatable With Ilsa and Kyra!!

Click below to listen to my podcast on Spotify. This week we talked about Lady Gaga’s dogs, the stimulus package (what stimulus package?), No Way Home theories and of course, WandaVision!!

open.spotify.com/episode/3u0EDsk0xFv8Axus2oQCsZ

Conan The Barbarian Uses a Human Shield Against The X-Men!

And you’ll never guess who it was!

Or maybe you will!

It was Deadpool!

The best human shield in the land! He is knife proof, bulletproof, and even nuclear bomb proof.

It is nice knowing that at the end of the world, Deadpool will still be there with his little thumbs up.

If anyone survives the end of the world, I want it to be Ryan Reynolds.

Deadpool, Conan and Night Flyer break into the Hellfire Club to grab a little spending money. Unfortunately three X-Men (Ice Man, Calisto, Bishop) show up, as the Hellfire Club is for them. Soon Calisto pulls out a tiny dagger, that Deadpool scoffs at, joking that Ant-Man must have gotten a hold of her sword- she slashes at Deadpool and he falls into Conan’s loving arms.

I’m sure that Deadpool initially enjoyed this. Being caught by his teammate, and new friend. Finally someone cares for Deadpool! He must have felt warm and happy being held onto by those big muscular arms. I can almost hear him tittering now.

Of course, that turns out not to be the best position for Deadpool to be in. After they are threatened once again by the X-Men, Conan pulls Deadpool in tighter. Deadpool, probably believing this to be a nice hug after he was brutally stabbed, falls tenderly into the hug.

Unfortunately, this is when Bishop starts shooting, and Conan, with nothing but Deadpool to protect himself throws Deadpool’s bulletproof body right into Bishop’s line of fire.

Now, I’ve seen everything.

I guess that’s why they’re the savage avengers, cause that was savage af.

After that a battle ensues and ends on a very intriguing note. I gotta say, If you haven’t picked up Savage Avengers #18 yet, then what happens on the last page- a battle-ending blow- is worth it to get up now and scramble to the closest Comic Book store to pick up your issue!

-Comic Book Betch

For all of your comic book news, comic book resources, and Deadpool updates.