Jean Grey #1

I was excited to pick up this X-Men spin-off of Jean Grey. This Jean Grey is not the Jean Grey we’re used to. She’s the N00b from back in time when Professor X first started leading a team of dorky teen-agers. The tricky thing is that she has time-traveled with those other dorks from her original X-Men team to present day. And she got a bad haircut. They do not explain the style choice in this issue, however.

She’s like a really moody teenager and doesn’t appreciate anything. I know this because she’s having brunch in Japan and being really mopey about it. Like, are you kidding me? You have a magical demon BAMF named Pickles that will teleport you anywhere in the world for brunch. She must have like, a billion Instagram followers.

But alas, Pickles is only good for one thing it seems and when, conveniently, a group of villains called the “wrecking crew” show up and Jean has to fight them on her own while Pickles eats “pucky” which I assume is knock-off Pocky.

Man, it must be really hard to be a villain in the Marvel Universe. Tough gig. I’ve never even seen a villain get away. For long anyway. I think that’s why superheroes fight each other sometimes. For the small thrill of fighting someone their own size.

If I had powers I would definitely use my powers for evil. But I might turn good if I lost enough times.

One more question I have, Jean Grey does not wear people clothes. She wears green and yellow spandex everyday. Is that because she expects super villains to just pop out of nowhere and she’ll have to bounce into action? Because I think she could have done what she just did in this book in jeans. Cause she uses her mind to fight, I can see how someone who has to use martial arts to fight would need a spandex suit, but I digress. It’s more fun to wear a uniform I’m sure.

She’s been fighting these fools for a while when all of a sudden she starts hearing voices. Which is not that weird of a thing for a psychic, but this time IT’S DIFFERENT.

WHO IS IT?!

Spoiler Alert, it’s the Phoenix force and she’s after this young Jean Grey.

But if you read the beginning of this book then you would know that young Jean Grey is not into that idea.

The good news is, The Phoenix inside Jean’s head was enough to distract her totally and the bad guy hit her in the head and got away with the money!

There is hope for my villain career.

Never give up hope children. You can do whatever you want forever!

Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider

This is the third comic I’ve picked up in the last few weeks that starts in Las Vegas. I wonder how these heroes aren’t all running into each other. Is Ben Reilly a hero though? Is Nick Fury? Is Elektra? Meh. All of them are pretty seedy, so I guess this is the place where the morphed hero/villain people head to.
Ben Reilly is a clone of a hero, but he’s so tortured that he’s turned into a character all his own. I love Spider-Man. I think that’s why I picked up this Scarlet Spider spin-off. Also, I really, really enjoy Reilly’s outfit choices. A cosplayer’s wet dream. I hope this series lives up to his runway skills.
I’m not really hip to the clones storyline, I did play the running Spider-Man clone game on my phone and it wasted a lot of my life, but I’m still pretty unsure of who Ben Reilly is outside of his origin story.
The picture that they’re painting of him is basically the character of Deadpool having an illusion that he is Spider-Man. The only reason I know he’s not Deadpool is because there are no yellow bubbles. All of the other major identifying points of Deadpool are there. For example; scarred up face, (that’s all I see right now, could be body as well) Imaginary friends who talk to him, and he saved a woman and then forced her to give him $50. Since I’m reading as I write, I’m currently reading in the story that he’s also picked up an old lady to befriend whose name is “June” which is, in Reilly’s words, “close enough.” There’s a merc with a mouth I know who also likes to hang out with old ladies.
If there isn’t a Deadpool spin-off where Wade Wilson attempts to steal the life of Peter Parker, which sounds great, then what we’ve clearly been missing is here in this book.
Immediately after Ben Reilly adopts a new “Aunt June,” a squad of armored and armed goons waltz into the casino and begin to threaten the patrons and demand their money.
That just seems unlikely to me because Casinos have so much surveillance! These robbers clearly didn’t think this one through. And I’m right, they did not because they are quickly foiled by a bald man who, when shot by a crap-load of bullets, is unaffected. Always a good thing to be.
Now, Reilly is intrigued by this guy because of the invincibility-thing he’s got going on, and just before the bald man came to the rescue, Reilly had broken in half the machine gun of one of the goons who threatened his Aunt June. Therefore, the bald man kinda likes Reilly too. This is my sort of meet-cute.
The unnamed Bald man brings Reilly to his boss, whom also owns the casino. She’s also really hot and scary. Her name is Cassandra Mercury and she’s the reason Reilly came to Las Vegas.
It turns out that back when Ben Reilly was going by the name of his former captor, “The Jackal” he got into the pharmaceutical industry and instead of curing his patients he was simply replacing them with healthy clones. Not cool. Very freaky actually. And Mercury was a victim of his crimes. The Jackal took away her daughter and replaced her with a clone.
Naturally, Reilly asks Mercury for help, but ummm the problem with that is, Mercury is still pretty miffed about what he did to her daughter.
And that’s that! You’ll have to check out the next issue if you want to find out if Mercury helps The Scarlet Spider or if she simply blows his brains out!

This was a pretty cool story. It did really feel to me like Deadpool and Spider-Man had a baby. Which is a dream come true, but I’m feeling back and forth about continuing with this series. He is a pretty fun character so far and I do want to see what Peter David is going to bring to the table with him. I feel like this one is going to be quite character-driven and if it’s not that’s a mistake. I really want to get to know Ben Reilly right now after all he’s been through. He seems to still have his humour despite losing his mind. Good combination. Hmm I might have just convinced myself to continue this series…0.o

Nick Fury #1

Mmmkay let’s start with the cover. It’s so pink and pretty! I was immediately attracted to and excited by this trim and simple cover.
Nick Fury is on a solo adventure in the French Riviera for his first mission. He’s headed into a casino to “acquire data” from a chief money-man for Hydra.
He’s given a set of tasks to complete and he uses his handy dandy S.H.I.E.L.D pin to complete these tasks.
So let’s talk about this pin for a sec. It looks like a clock and every time he moves the hands something in this casino fritzes out…Somehow he got his pocket watch to link up to the casino’s gaming machine, the random dog inside the casino, the sprinkler system and the music. It’s a little incredulous but this is a comic book and he is the world’s best spy, so I’m sure he did research beforehand. He’s not going into this mission all willy nilly!
Fury has created an amazing distraction…or distractions all over the casino, but while laying his traps he caught the eye of one bitch you don’t want to mess with.
Fury gets the data he needs and now all he must do is get past Frankie Noble, Agent of Hydra, and her cronies.
The fight heads to the skies. Which is odd because Fury chose a car as his transportation of choice and Noble chose a boat. Spies are so weird. Always spending so much money on these gadgets and gizmos. Makes Batman look like a punk.
Wrong Universe.
Moving on…
Fury has defeated the flying boat by forcing the boat to relive a treacherous Titanic moment. Pause for tears and throwback to Titanic.
There wasn’t room on the door.
He tries to get on but it sinks.
People forget that.
Back to the comic book…
Some hydra agents have survived the crash, including, SURPRISE! Noble. Now this crazy bitch is standing on this rock with Gwenyth Paltrow’s head* in one hand and a gun in the other, waiting for Fury’s car to crash into her face.
But in true hero form, Fury maneuvers his car away from what could have been a fatal death blow.
Until next time…

All in all, it was a fun read. I do want to continue reading even though there isn’t any crazy plot established yet. I believe this series will definitely be entertaining, and honestly my favorite comic book series are the solo adventures. Things like Civil War where everything is linked together just stresses me out. I’ll definitely be picking up #2 when it comes out May 17th.

*It was actually her wig*

Secret Empire #0

Secret Empire #0

Now, I’m usually in the business of reviewing number #1 comics only, but I decided this week to mix it up with 1’s besties… 0 and 2!
This time around we have Secret Empire #0! I’m not really sure why they named it #0 instead of #1. Perhaps because it’s an introduction to a re-written universe than the one we’re used to. Although, it read more like a #1 then a prologue so I guess the reasoning will remain a mystery to me…
The cover is amazing. Captain America looks so menacing with the symbol of Hydra emblazoned on his chest. Cap also suffered some wardrobe malfunctions it seems and he’s got a sexy one shoulder thing going on, as well as some thigh showing. If the comic book world is finally realizing they need to appeal to women, they are starting off on the right foot.
We learn right away that Captain America has been a lying piece of $**t our whole lives. Much like our fathers. But Captain America has an excuse unlike our daddies; his reality has been secretly rewritten by Kobik, which if you don’t know, is a sentient cube. Of course. Always a sentient cube with this guy.
Now that Captain America is working with Hydra, he’s basically the best Russian Spy that ever was. I mean, he made it all the way to Director of S.H.I.E.L.D soooo…yeah that’s like if our president was revealed as a Russian- Eh. Never mind.
We begin with a Chitauri invasion, and that’s bad because there are trillions of Chitauri. About four different superhero teams on Earth fighting are them under Captain America’s command and I know that Captain America is bad now, but I still have this feeling he’s going to pull through and remember that he’s a hero.
Alas he is not.
The shields may be up and the Chitauri may be stopped, but Hydra is using this is as their grand opportunity to take over once and for all.
I always kinda liked Hydra. I like when women lead things, and I also really like Bob. Bob’s the best.
Two sides to every story I say, but Sharon Carter isn’t on board with that idea. She sees the world in black and white, and for some reason Steve Rogers still loves her even as a turned spy. TURNCOAT!!
I love shouting that.
Our heroes are learning that the Chitauri invasion was the perfect excuse for Hydra agents to get in, though they don’t know who has gotten through the shield or why, yet. They also don’t know who let them in, save Sharon Carter.
America need not worry though because the Cap’s best frenemy, Tony Stark, is on the case! YOU CAN’T OUTSMART THIS GUY. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN TRY?!
Zemo is on a boat on the Hudson River because…um… well I imagine just because it’s fun and he’s celebrating a big WIN. Fly the W amiright? He is with someone named Bob, but I don’t think this is the Bob I’m friends with. And by “I’m” I mean Deadpool. I don’t think this is the same agent Deadpool is friends with. Or at least I hope not. Otherwise I’ve been outsmarted and duped by TWO guys I trust. Anyways Bob AKA Blackout has created a darkforce dimension in NYC. I am in New York right now and I can tell you that this is indeed true. He has succeeded.
But the superheroes have assembled on Capitol Hill and we’re going to find out what goes down is Issue #1!!

Wow that felt weird. Still wondering why they called this #0. But that doesn’t keep me from being excited to see how this story unfolds!

Weapon X #1!!!

Ever since reading X-Men Prime, I could not wait to get my hands on Weapon X #1.

I mean, yeah Weapon X was a horrible crime against nature that turned some not-so-innocent people into weapons of destruction…BUT it also gave us a ton of fan-favorite characters, so clearly military experiments that have gone awry also have their silver linings. The problem I have with the weapon X experiment is the fact that these scientists won’t let these experiments, I mean people, live their lives.

As we dive into the book, in the first scene we are introduced to “Old Man Logan.” He’s just chilling in a forest like a hermit (as one does) when out of nowhere he is attacked by millennial robots! See, this is what I mean about not letting them live in peace.

It is no regular hit job. (when is it ever?) Logan’s first clue into the meaning behind this attack is the two-foot long blades for finger nails on one of the robots. Logan only knows one Lady with the exact same manicurist. It’s just too much of a coincidence. The people who built this robot must have Lady Deathstrike.

If you turn the page, you will realize that she is indeed being held captive, in a water tank tube thingy no less. If you read X-Men Prime then you already know how she got captured, too. And if you didn’t I guess you better pick it up!

Next to the water-tank-tube-thingy that holds the lovely Deathstrike is a chunk of Wolverine’s arm. Now, I didn’t cover this in the beginning of this post but the book does explain how the scientists got wolverine’s arm chunk. Logan basically handed it over to them to get away.

A really great thing about these tank tubes is that they are all labeled, and correctly so far. I say so far, because there are 5 total tanks and three of them are empty. But the empty ones are still labeled. Now, I’m no psychic, but I bet these tanks are displaying the names of our lovely leading cast of characters.

Side note, if you pick this comic book for no other reason at all let it be this: There is an amazing scene of Logan searching on a computer in a free public library that will make you happy that you did.

He’s there because the well-manicured, mutant, murder machines really freaked Logan out. So instead of “slashing” his way out of this one, Logan decides to use his brain and come up with a plan. I’ve never known Logan to be a great strategist so I’m intrigued to learn what his plan is…And once I turn the page and find out I am not disappointed. We all know Logan is a simple man but that doesn’t necessarily mean bad. Logan’s plan is all instinct. He is literally driving by the seat of his pants. Who needs a complicated plan full of twists and turns? Not me. All I need is an old man on a motorcycle driving down a dead dirt road with his nose in the air hunting for something.

I also need a forced team up between former and current rivals.

Can’t wait for Issue #2!

First blog post

My first post!

Hello all!

I’m transitioning from a tumblr to a wordpress account! I’m very excited about how professional I’m becoming. JK. Never.

Anyways, the tumblr account for comic book betch will mostly focus on comic book pictures and funny superhero memes so keep checking it out, but all of my recaps will now be posted here! And just because it’s visual content now doesn’t mean it will be the same as my Instagram!

Look out for even more content having to do with video games, movies, TV series, cartoons and more.

Since comic books aren’t just comic books anymore, neither am I.

Did that make sense?

No?

That’s fine.

Now I’m going to go do yoga and get pinot grigio ( not necessarily in that order) because I’m still basic af.