Tom Holland, pretend boyfriend of myself, personally attacked me yesterday when he described his third Marvel/Sony Spider-Man film as the end of a franchise.
Spider-Man: No Way Home star, Tom Holland said the third Spidey is the end of the trilogy. And that’s just fucking rude.
“We were all treating [No Way Home] as the end of a franchise…I think if we were lucky enough to dive into these characters again, you’d be seeing a very different version. It would no longer be the Homecoming trilogy.”
He then went on to say that if they did move on with the franchise it would be completely different from the original films. Like, I fucking get it, okay? I do.
But Tom Holland better get it to-fucking-gether, because Marvel is not letting your ass go. NO! *spoiler* Venom just licked your fucking face! You still in this bitch and you better get ready. We get it, you’re like 47 at this point and it’s hard playing a 17-year-old next to Zendaya, the supermodel created in a lab to be perfect, but throw some botox in that forehead and get applying to Empire University because I’m fucking ready for it.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT IN THESE TRYING TIMES. See you in the multiverse, Spidey love.
Well, we may not be getting a season 2 of WandaVision but at least we’re getting the best part of that show in a titular role.
The plot of the spinoff hasn’t been written yet, but Disney already roped in head writer of WandaVision, Jac Schaeffer, with a three- year contract. They’ve gotten out the whips and are attacking her back until Schaeffer lets us know what the plot is. Much better than the water boarding torture they used on the Russos.
Hahn originally appeared in WandaVision as Agnes, Wanda and Vision’s neighbor and sex-crazed aerobics enthusiast.
It was revealed later on in the series that Agnes was actually Agatha Harkness, TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NAMES I MEAN MY GOD HOW COULD WE HAVE EVER SPECULATED THAT AGNES COULD BE AGATHA WHEN THEIR NAMES OR SO DISSIMILAR??
As it turned out, it was Agatha all along. A witchy witch with burnt finger tips and an affinity for fucking Evan Peters. And who can blame her? Give me any version of Quicksilver and I can guarantee they won’t leave my bedside without getting sexed up.
The WandaVision series finale had Wanda use her abilities to alter Agatha’s mind and make her believe she truly was Westview citizen Agnes Bohner.
Maybe the series will start with her being just Agnes and then slowly realizing that she isn’t? Or maybe that bunny will finally be of some use. Mephisto style.
The most I can hope for is the return of Ralph Boehner. If Evan Peters isn’t in this series and doesn’t join the MCU then I demand another HBO limited series of him speaking in a Delco accent.
Eternals Star, Kingo, promotes Lexus cars to the imbecilic Marvel audience .
Kingo recently hit the road in his Lexus IS 500 sports sedan in a new promotional attempt between Marvel Studios and Lexus. The two-minute promo spot portrays Kingo as an idiot guy who would rather take a sports car to a battle when human lives are at stake, rather than use one of his borne super powers of flight or teleportation. Hell this moron could have ran super fast to the battleground! Instead, Kingo drives his flashy car and that gets him into quite the pickle as he can’t find a dern parking spot! Doh!
Kingo drives his stupid car through the streets as his teammates look worriedly around for their 10th member. As the battle rages on all around him he finds that he’s much more interested in finding a parking spot for his fancy car rather than help his friends or save the world. He receives a notification from Sersi to “hurry.” OBVIOUSLY. But Kingo dgaf. Not even a little bit, cause if there is flaming debris being chucked around, he can’t take the risk that it might hit his, most likely well-insured, vehicle.
As he continues to look for a safe place to park his Lexus S 500 sports sedan, his tiny little teammate, Sprite, calls him up and she sounds very concerned that he hasn’t arrived yet, and ya know they could really use his help against these extremely dangerous and formidable foes.
Kingo is like, “hey I shouldn’t talk on the phone and drive, I need to concentrate on finding a parking spot. If you need help, maybe call an Avenger or something. Okay, take care, bye bye now.”
Well, can’t wait for the Eternals to release on November 5th! I really hope Kingo can find himself a damn parking spot!!
-Check back often for all of your comic book news, comic book resources, Eternals Movie News, and Eternals Movie Updates!
In Batman: Urban Legends #6, Tim Drake’s Robin finally decides he likes dick, too.
In the latest Batman: Urban Legends, monthly anthology series, we pick up the story of Tim Drake AKA Robin. Meghan Fitzmartin as well as art by Belén Ortega and Alejandro Sanchez, created this issue, obviously because women and Latinos aren’t weird about LGBT+ stuff.
So, like, basically Tim broke up with his on and off again gf Stephanie Brown (Spoiler) and he’s pretty annoyed by his attempts to always try to do what Batman would want instead of exploring what HE WANTS. Like, he didn’t even need years of therapy to make these breakthroughs. I am so jealous.
So anyways in this issue, Tim’s old friend, Bernard, is in a cult. But one that sacrifices teens so when Tim saves Bernie he’s like, “wow I really like this dude. If he died I would be so sad cause I wanna mouth kiss him.” And despite being named Bernard, he’s pretty cute, so when Bernie and Tim fight side by side to overtake the evil cult, things get pretty hot.
After they save the day, Tim heads over to Bernard’s house, and old Bernard asks Tim on a date. Tim is like Hell yeah lemme get all up in those jeans.
Now, for longtime comic readers, we were all pretty sure that Robin was gay. But NOW it seems he is bisexual, as he had a long term love affair with Stephanie Brown. It was on and off again, but even if he liked her, he probs wasn’t exploring other aspects of himself, as he mentions in Batman: Urban Legends #4.
AND AGAIN longtime comic book readers, can tell that he probably chose this moment to come out with his true identity, because like, he was totes in love with his Young Justice teammate, Superboy. When the Conner Kent Superman Clone died, Tim Drake DID NOT TAKE IT WELL! Like, everyone thought it was just a “bromance.” But, then after Conner died, Tim Drake tried to bring him back from the dead and would not stop telling everyone he knew that he “couldn’t live” without his best friend. Now, I’m not saying they were playing “hide the sausage together,” but I am saying that Tim Drake DEF wanted to fuck his friend. Which is BEAUTIFUL. IT’S CALLED LOVE, PEOPLE!
So anyways, I’m happy for Tim Drake’s Robin coming out. I’ll say it once, and I’ll probably not say it again, Great job, DC!
I guess the only thing left to do is to JUST TELL ME THAT BATMAN AND THE JOKER ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.
Comic Book Bitch
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Gemma Chan, who plays Sersi in the upcoming Eternals movie, revealed that Sersi is “not like other girls.”
“I think this is going to be a really different, special film,” Chan said in an interview with British Vogue.
Chan also brought up that the director is an East Asian woman, so she actually knows how to write characters that are women. Unlike previous directors who believed that Black Widow’s only power was to shake her ass and make out with dudes.
The Eternals movie is about 10 different superheroes, but, like, obviously it’s going to mostly be about how Sersi never wanted Robb Stark’s dick, and once she gets Jon Snow’s D, she’s like, “Actually, Now I think The Red Wedding was my fave episode.” Even Kevin Feige was quoted as saying that “if there was a lead in this ensemble it’s probably- wait, what did ya’ll say? Sersi? LOL. Wait, stop that can’t be right! It has to be Ajak, right? Hold up! Now you’re saying they cast Ajak as a fucking chick. Dude wtf. Someone is getting fired.”
Wow, Kevin. Just, wow.
Gemma Chan shot back at Feige by saying that “Sersi is not like other girls. She may not be the best fighter, but she’s an empath.”
To which Feige replied, “A what?”
Kevin Feige then asked Gemma why she looked so familiar, and she replied that she was in Captain Marvel. To which Feige replied, “You mean, Captain America?”
Can’t wait for November 5th!
Comic Book Bitch
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In the new FX on HULU trailer we see what is coming to the streaming service from FX and apparently it’s a lot. This trailer shows little peeks of new and old shows including American Horror Stories Anthology series, Reservation Dogs, The Old Man, AND Y: The Last Man.
For those that haven’t read the comic series by Brian K. Vaughan (SAGA) and Pia Guerra (Doctor Who) it is a series that takes place after every male (animals and humans included) were killed. So it’s a Utopia.
Just kidding, it’s like a big deal I guess. For me, it’s like Thank God the human race is over and we can all just run at night without the fear of getting raped, amiright?
Anyways, there’s still one rapist, I mean man left and that is Yorick Brown and his capuchin monkey, Ampersand. So freaking cute. They are best buddies and all they want is to find out why they’re the last dudes on Earth.
The show will be directed by Melina Matsoukas and starring Ben Schnetzer, Diane Lane, Amber Tamblyn, Imogen Poots, Lashana Lynch, Marin Ireland, Elliot Fletcher, and Juliana Canfield.
Can you believe it?
Since this has been in the works since 2015 I can barely believe it’s finally happening! If it’s anything like the comic book it’s going to be amazing!!
-Comic Book Betch
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