Peacemaker Series First Thoughts

This is what it feels like when doves cry.

Hello, and welcome back to another special episode of Comic Book Bitch.

Today we will be deep-diving into the premiere episode of the new Peacemaker series on HboMax.

And by deep-dive, I mean I am going to explain deeply shallow thoughts about the series with which I have no business discussing.

Now, if you haven’t seen the first episode of Peacemaker then just read this sloppily put together recap of the first episode first and then we’ll dive head-first into the shallow end of a concrete pool.

The series takes place pretty much immediately, or as much time as it takes a clavicle to be replaced in the human body, after Suicide Squad 2.

For my thoughts on Suicide Squad 2, listen to my podcast, Relatable With Ilsa and Kyra.

If you don’t want to listen to the podcast then here’s my thoughts: I fucking loved it. Except I hated Peacemaker, but in a love to hate way.

And I continue on my love to hate way about him on this series since he comes off as a lovable oaf despite him killing my best friend, Rick Flag.

SO! Peacemaker/ Chris has had his clavicle replaced, then he’s released and he’s like ummm, am I going back to prison? And he has no friends, so he asks this hospital janitor that he smoked pot with once if there’s cops out there. And there conversation goes like this.

Janitor: No, there’s no cops. Why?

Chris: Cause I was in prison for killing people.

Janitor: Oh why?

Chris: Cause I’m a superhero

Janitor: You have the wrong body type to be a superhero. And your face is at most 5/10.

Chris: I’m a fucking superhero!

Janitor: Aquaman is a superhero. And he’s gorgeous af. Have you seen that bod? That hair? That face? Yummm. Am I drooling? I think I’m drooling? Did you hear that Jason Momoa is single?

Chris: Aquaman fucks women, men, and fish.

Janitor: No he doesn’t.

Chris: He gives the guy who works at the aquarium $50 every week and goes in the fish tanks and has his way with all the little fishies.

Janitor: Nah.

Chris: It’s true, I read it on Reddit.

Janitor: Wow, I just got the name of that site.

So no one, including any police, are there to take him so he goes back to his home, a nasty trailer, and he realizes his phone is still working which means he has been paying his cell phone bill from prison for four years, which means he ain’t got no money. Then these nerds from Suicide Squad 2 show up and are like, “hey you have to work with us or we will blow up your head.” So Chris is like, okay. Then he goes to his dad’s house to complain about his phone bill. His dad don’t give af, all he cares about is white supremacy.

Oh somewhere during this time we are introduced to Tastee from Orange is the New Black, she is married to a woman whose vagina we see in later episodes, and they are mothers to three small doggos who like to wear fancy sweaters.

AND she is Amanda Waller’s daughter. Which is like, oh wow Amanda Waller can’t be that bad, she is a mother and her daughter is awesome. But then you’re like ohhhh wait she is like super demented using Deadshot and Bloodsport’s daughters as collateral for getting them to work fer her. lmao.

K, so Chris gets a new helmet from his daddy, and his pet Eagly back and Eagly hugs him which is cute. Then he meets up with the nerds at a diner, and he calls a waitress sweet cheeks referring to her facial cheeks, but we all know that’s not what it means.

God this recap is so long. Okay so then Peacemaker follows the hot blonde nerd to a bar and tries to fuck her, she tells him off, but also says that he is handsome. And it’s like, no he fucking isn’t. Like yeah, he is tall and muscular, but that face. That is not a hot face. He has 2/3 I’ll give him that. And 2/4 if you count personality, but he ain’t hot. Like you need at least a 3/4 to be hot. Some might argue with me that personality doesn’t matter when it comes to hotness, but as a straight woman I can tell you that with the filth I deal with on a daily basis a nice personality really does come in handy. But I digress.

Anyways, blonde nerd leaves and Peacemaker finds some white trash to bone, and that’s great for him. He’s been in prison for four years. He can live a little. Unfortunately, after they fuck over the sink, she turns crazy and attacks him with a knife and beats the shit out of him really bad, so much so that he has to hurl himself out of a window at five stories in the air, which is not good for his recently replaced clavicle.

He manages to crawl to his car and sends Eagly up in the air as he scrounges around for his brand new spanking helmet that his white trash daddy made for him. Meanwhile, the white trash girl has jumped out of the fifth floor window with ease and does a superhero pose for good measure.

ANYWAYS, White trash girl finds Peacemaker but he puts his little helmet on and sends out a sonic blast just in time to explode the bitch.

And that was the episode. No need to watch it if you haven’t seen it already because I did really good job recapping it.

OKAY THANKS BAI!

XOXOXO COMIC BOOK BITCH

EPISODE 36 – Let’s Play A Game

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-xv3c2-116f150

Happy 2022! It seems to be shaping up as quite the year already, as the ReLadies review what exciting events we have taking place – including a shit ton of Star Wars content and DC’s official takeover of the universe as we know it. Oh, and did we mention omicron is also pretty viral right now? Please wear a damn mask.

After editing this episode, the ReLadies created a new drinking game to go along with it, because that’s what we do best.

Every time you hear “Andrew Garfield” being said, please take a shot of your beverage of choice (preferably whiskey). At the end of the episode, please try your very best to recap what the last ten minutes of the episode was about. Winner gets a shoutout. Let the games begin. 

EPISODE 35 – Hoe Hoe Hoe

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-aash8-1160c58

Happy Hoe-lidays from your ReLadies!!

Ilsa and Kyra do their best to present a spoiler-free review of Spider-Man No Way Home and the Series Finale of Hawkeye, and yet they fail miserably. 

But if you’re anything like us, then you Done Been Knowing anyways. 

In this episode we also discuss the importance of dating outside of your height, the unimportance of knowing the Presidents of the United States, and the gem of a human known as Florence Pugh.

Hey you ever wanted to be Tony Stark?

No, I don’t mean an alcoholic!

A manufacturer of exoskeletons believes that Iron Man-esque inventions will be sold at your local fucking Home Depot and Lowes in the future.

So, like, comic book nerds have always figured that Iron Man tech could totes be possible, but like, not in a way you can fight crime in, more like in a way you can battle bots with or win first place a con costume contest. However with some people making exoskeletons, and Tesla robots running rampant, we might live to see the Age of Ultron yet.

California’s SuitX has already begun the process of creating exoskeletons and since this process has already begun and, we quote “HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY” End quote, and we also have quote “THINKING MACHINE SUPER COMPUTERS” the mainstream distribution of these armor suits are already tanking in price.

These exoskeletons aren’t going to make you fly or anything, and if Doctor Octopus shows up in your universe and you’re wearing the nanotech skin suit Tony got you, it’s unlikely that he’s going to be able to extract it for himself. The exoskeletons make you, like, stronger or something? Like, you have to exert less force when you’re wearing it.

These exoskeleton suits used to just be for the army, but then old rich white men decided they wanted to throw these suits on factory workers so they can work less people harder and not have to pay more human beings. Fucking capitalism.

Right now these outfits go for around $45,000 and they’re not even that cute.

girl, go fix your hair.

But hey, if there’s a possibility for a sentient Vision in the future, sign me the fuck up.

XOXO,

Comic Book Bitch

Episode 34 – Our Children Are Serial Killers – Feat. BingetownTV

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-re2cm-1144ba2

The ReLadies are joined by special guests Jim and Brian from BingetownTV podcast! They are the resident Comic Book and Star Wars experts on their podcast so obviously our convos go a little off the rails…

In this episode we discuss the first two episodes of Hawkeye and reveal some fun Easter eggs you might have missed. Ilsa also makes Jim and Brian uncomfortable by asking them if they are afraid to have children because they might turn into serial killers. 

It’s a super fun episode so come and nerd out with us and our two new nerdy besties!!!!!

Raise your hand if you love internet friends!

 

Episode 33 – Eternally Yours

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-du3yj-112a42f

The time has finally come. The moment is finally here. Our entire lives had lead up to this –

OUR ETERNALS EPISODE.  Eternals finally debuted in the United States this past weekend and despite the spoilers we’ve endured leading up to the movie (thanks Variety), and the negative critic reviews (you guys need to stop being so rude) – we absolutely adored this film and are already counting down the days until the next installment. 

Please do not listen to this episode if you haven’t seen the movie. There are many spoilers. We ain’t sorry about it. 

Amongst the Eternals deep dive, we do jump into a lot out other nerdy rumors hitting the town right now. Another Star Wars film delayed? We will get to see a beloved Knights of the Old Republic movie after all (fingers crossed) ? A Black Widow crossover with Stranger Things? Daylight savings time did happen this past Saturday and it looks like it stirred up a lot! Maybe we are all in our own version of the multiverse now….

Even Typhoid Mother Fucking Mary Has Found Love

wedding bells for some top tier Marvel characters!!

Spoilers ahead for Daredevil #35

If you’ve been reading this Daredevil series by Chip Zdarksy, then you know that Wilson Fisk and Typhoid Mary have been slowly falling in love throughout the series run, and what began as a simple professional relationship has now culminated in a full ass-blown engagement.

Now, I didn’t see no ring. And sis, although Zdarksy has confirmed their will be a wedding in issue #36, the way it all went down wasn’t exactly traditional.

First off, this mfer don’t got no ring. He ain’t on bended knee and he never even asked the damn question. He said “will you?” And Mary said, “yes I’ll marry you.”

Bitch he could’ve been asking you to tie his shoes for him. After all, you are under his employ as his personal bodyguard.

Also where the hell did all your personalities go? Don’t tell me you’re pulling a Deadpool and just leaving them all behind?

Yeah, I said it.

Well, congratulations to the disturbing and happy couple!!

Lock down that ring, sis! Tell him you wanna go to Tiffany’s TONIGHT!

XOXO- Comic Book Bitch

Episode 31 – Dune, DC and Daddies

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-i7e7r-110e41d

Y’all I think we just had the most epic weekend of our lives – DC Fandome happened all while we were having our FIRST EVER live show and appearance at Wizard World comic con! We had an absolute at the con and recap everything that went down, along with some of our favorite cosplayers we got to meet. Carnage was one of them (perfect timing, considering we haven’t been able to shut up about the latest Venom movie)! 

The time has finally arrived. Dune is out tonight in theaters all across America and we can’t believe we’re finally going to see the movie we’ve been waiting for our entire lives. Go see Dune. 

The news just kept coming in hot this week, as we got word of a certain One Direction member appearing in Eternals. Big spoiler alert. Can you guess who it is? Hint: He adores you.

We dive right into a serious recap of everything that went down at the DC Fandome. The new Batman trailer, Aquaman, The Flash and Black Adam absolutely blew our minds. Dare we say 2022 is the year of DC comics…? I guess we’ll have to die another die to find out.