Nick Fury #1

Frankie Noble is a crazy bitch.

Mmmkay let’s start with the cover. It’s so pink and pretty! I was immediately attracted to and excited by this trim and simple cover.
Nick Fury is on a solo adventure in the French Riviera for his first mission. He’s headed into a casino to “acquire data” from a chief money-man for Hydra.
He’s given a set of tasks to complete and he uses his handy dandy S.H.I.E.L.D pin to complete these tasks.
So let’s talk about this pin for a sec. It looks like a clock and every time he moves the hands something in this casino fritzes out…Somehow he got his pocket watch to link up to the casino’s gaming machine, the random dog inside the casino, the sprinkler system and the music. It’s a little incredulous but this is a comic book and he is the world’s best spy, so I’m sure he did research beforehand. He’s not going into this mission all willy nilly!
Fury has created an amazing distraction…or distractions all over the casino, but while laying his traps he caught the eye of one bitch you don’t want to mess with.
Fury gets the data he needs and now all he must do is get past Frankie Noble, Agent of Hydra, and her cronies.
The fight heads to the skies. Which is odd because Fury chose a car as his transportation of choice and Noble chose a boat. Spies are so weird. Always spending so much money on these gadgets and gizmos. Makes Batman look like a punk.
Wrong Universe.
Moving on…
Fury has defeated the flying boat by forcing the boat to relive a treacherous Titanic moment. Pause for tears and throwback to Titanic.
There wasn’t room on the door.
He tries to get on but it sinks.
People forget that.
Back to the comic book…
Some hydra agents have survived the crash, including, SURPRISE! Noble. Now this crazy bitch is standing on this rock with Gwenyth Paltrow’s head* in one hand and a gun in the other, waiting for Fury’s car to crash into her face.
But in true hero form, Fury maneuvers his car away from what could have been a fatal death blow.
Until next time…

All in all, it was a fun read. I do want to continue reading even though there isn’t any crazy plot established yet. I believe this series will definitely be entertaining, and honestly my favorite comic book series are the solo adventures. Things like Civil War where everything is linked together just stresses me out. I’ll definitely be picking up #2 when it comes out May 17th.

*It was actually her wig*

Secret Empire #0

Secret Empire #0

Now, I’m usually in the business of reviewing number #1 comics only, but I decided this week to mix it up with 1’s besties… 0 and 2!
This time around we have Secret Empire #0! I’m not really sure why they named it #0 instead of #1. Perhaps because it’s an introduction to a re-written universe than the one we’re used to. Although, it read more like a #1 then a prologue so I guess the reasoning will remain a mystery to me…
The cover is amazing. Captain America looks so menacing with the symbol of Hydra emblazoned on his chest. Cap also suffered some wardrobe malfunctions it seems and he’s got a sexy one shoulder thing going on, as well as some thigh showing. If the comic book world is finally realizing they need to appeal to women, they are starting off on the right foot.
We learn right away that Captain America has been a lying piece of $**t our whole lives. Much like our fathers. But Captain America has an excuse unlike our daddies; his reality has been secretly rewritten by Kobik, which if you don’t know, is a sentient cube. Of course. Always a sentient cube with this guy.
Now that Captain America is working with Hydra, he’s basically the best Russian Spy that ever was. I mean, he made it all the way to Director of S.H.I.E.L.D soooo…yeah that’s like if our president was revealed as a Russian- Eh. Never mind.
We begin with a Chitauri invasion, and that’s bad because there are trillions of Chitauri. About four different superhero teams on Earth fighting are them under Captain America’s command and I know that Captain America is bad now, but I still have this feeling he’s going to pull through and remember that he’s a hero.
Alas he is not.
The shields may be up and the Chitauri may be stopped, but Hydra is using this is as their grand opportunity to take over once and for all.
I always kinda liked Hydra. I like when women lead things, and I also really like Bob. Bob’s the best.
Two sides to every story I say, but Sharon Carter isn’t on board with that idea. She sees the world in black and white, and for some reason Steve Rogers still loves her even as a turned spy. TURNCOAT!!
I love shouting that.
Our heroes are learning that the Chitauri invasion was the perfect excuse for Hydra agents to get in, though they don’t know who has gotten through the shield or why, yet. They also don’t know who let them in, save Sharon Carter.
America need not worry though because the Cap’s best frenemy, Tony Stark, is on the case! YOU CAN’T OUTSMART THIS GUY. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN TRY?!
Zemo is on a boat on the Hudson River because…um… well I imagine just because it’s fun and he’s celebrating a big WIN. Fly the W amiright? He is with someone named Bob, but I don’t think this is the Bob I’m friends with. And by “I’m” I mean Deadpool. I don’t think this is the same agent Deadpool is friends with. Or at least I hope not. Otherwise I’ve been outsmarted and duped by TWO guys I trust. Anyways Bob AKA Blackout has created a darkforce dimension in NYC. I am in New York right now and I can tell you that this is indeed true. He has succeeded.
But the superheroes have assembled on Capitol Hill and we’re going to find out what goes down is Issue #1!!

Wow that felt weird. Still wondering why they called this #0. But that doesn’t keep me from being excited to see how this story unfolds!

Weapon X #1!!!

Ever since reading X-Men Prime, I could not wait to get my hands on Weapon X #1.

I mean, yeah Weapon X was a horrible crime against nature that turned some not-so-innocent people into weapons of destruction…BUT it also gave us a ton of fan-favorite characters, so clearly military experiments that have gone awry also have their silver linings. The problem I have with the weapon X experiment is the fact that these scientists won’t let these experiments, I mean people, live their lives.

As we dive into the book, in the first scene we are introduced to “Old Man Logan.” He’s just chilling in a forest like a hermit (as one does) when out of nowhere he is attacked by millennial robots! See, this is what I mean about not letting them live in peace.

It is no regular hit job. (when is it ever?) Logan’s first clue into the meaning behind this attack is the two-foot long blades for finger nails on one of the robots. Logan only knows one Lady with the exact same manicurist. It’s just too much of a coincidence. The people who built this robot must have Lady Deathstrike.

If you turn the page, you will realize that she is indeed being held captive, in a water tank tube thingy no less. If you read X-Men Prime then you already know how she got captured, too. And if you didn’t I guess you better pick it up!

Next to the water-tank-tube-thingy that holds the lovely Deathstrike is a chunk of Wolverine’s arm. Now, I didn’t cover this in the beginning of this post but the book does explain how the scientists got wolverine’s arm chunk. Logan basically handed it over to them to get away.

A really great thing about these tank tubes is that they are all labeled, and correctly so far. I say so far, because there are 5 total tanks and three of them are empty. But the empty ones are still labeled. Now, I’m no psychic, but I bet these tanks are displaying the names of our lovely leading cast of characters.

Side note, if you pick this comic book for no other reason at all let it be this: There is an amazing scene of Logan searching on a computer in a free public library that will make you happy that you did.

He’s there because the well-manicured, mutant, murder machines really freaked Logan out. So instead of “slashing” his way out of this one, Logan decides to use his brain and come up with a plan. I’ve never known Logan to be a great strategist so I’m intrigued to learn what his plan is…And once I turn the page and find out I am not disappointed. We all know Logan is a simple man but that doesn’t necessarily mean bad. Logan’s plan is all instinct. He is literally driving by the seat of his pants. Who needs a complicated plan full of twists and turns? Not me. All I need is an old man on a motorcycle driving down a dead dirt road with his nose in the air hunting for something.

I also need a forced team up between former and current rivals.

Can’t wait for Issue #2!

First blog post

Not just a tumblr anymore

My first post!

Hello all!

I’m transitioning from a tumblr to a wordpress account! I’m very excited about how professional I’m becoming. JK. Never.

Anyways, the tumblr account for comic book betch will mostly focus on comic book pictures and funny superhero memes so keep checking it out, but all of my recaps will now be posted here! And just because it’s visual content now doesn’t mean it will be the same as my Instagram!

Look out for even more content having to do with video games, movies, TV series, cartoons and more.

Since comic books aren’t just comic books anymore, neither am I.

Did that make sense?

No?

That’s fine.

Now I’m going to go do yoga and get pinot grigio ( not necessarily in that order) because I’m still basic af.