Welcome My Comic Book Bitches to another episode of How the Green Grass Mows.
If you’re looking for the episode 1 recap, let me save you five minutes of your life, it’s not there! But I will recap it if ya ask realllll nicely.
Episode 2 begins with a recap of episode 1 and it goes a little something like this:
This short, white girl shared needles with her cousin, then he took her to the beach because she turned tall and green.
Jumping into episode 2 we are shown a montage of news outlets talking about the widdle lawyer that stopped a superpowered influencer from destroying a court room. The News outlets dub her “She-Hulk” which Jennifer Walters doesn’t like, so in order to forget her pain she goes to her favorite after work watering hole.
A small feeble “man” walks over to Jennifer in her Hulk form, and begins needling her endlessly like a toddler trying to tell someone an uninteresting story. I know your story is gonna such toddler, you literally don’t leave your house.
Another small man walks over to Jennifer Walters in her She-Hulk form and his dick fully regresses into his stomach. He then asks her to make herself smaller, which is like such an old white man thing to do to a woman, and then proceeds to fire her for doing the right thing. His tiny dick pokes back out of himself and hangs sadly, as he proceeds to walk away from her after ruining her life for doing the right thing.
NOTHER MONTAGE TIME!!! This time Jennifer is out trying to get a job and she is turned down at every interview for being She-Hulk. UM MCCUSE ME, BITCH? WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL THIS POOR WOMEN IN FOR AN INTERVIEW IF YOU’RE GOING TO TELL HER THAT SHE HAS SUPERPOWERS SO YOU DON’T WANT HER.
Some things can be emails, ok?
Jenny and her bestie, Nikki, are hangin on the couch looking for jobs, because Nikki is a paralegal, and apparently a highly paid one because she is DRESSED to impress, ok? I thought those people made $15/hr and her outfit is looking like $15 a second. Jennifer gets a text from her mom about a family dinner so cut to family dinner.
Jennifer’s family is weird, and trying too hard to be funny. Ched especially has issues and seems like he missed a dose of one of his medications today.
Her whole family is very interested in her being She-Hulk and offer her advice and also ask her questions about superheroes she’s never met, or I assume hasn’t. Her father asks her if Hawkeye goes around collecting the arrows he used after he’s done with them, and to that I say, you clearly did not watch The Hawkeye series on Disney+ old man, because you would have seen that he does indeed pick them up and use them again.
Next scene, oh look she’s drinking again. -_-
Oh look she’s employed again!
The moral of this episode is that if you get fired, just go out to the bar by yourself and drink your worries away because a random man will come up to you, buy you another drink to get you more sloshy and offer you a job! Now this is the stuff of Disney dreams.
At She-Hulk’s new job, they surprise her by telling her that she has to be in She-Hulk form all the time, which as there was no interview and she accepted without any hesitation or hearing details, she was acting surprisingly pretty surprised about it. The best part of this scene is Pug. Pug is an actor whose name I don’t know, but I do know that he is in that show The Other Two and plays legitimately the same character in that show that he is portraying in this one. And I can’t complain because he is adorable in that show and he even gives the girls the map to the bathroom that is best for pooping and it is soooooo appreciated.
Pooping in an office is literally the number one issue I hear people who work in offices complain about so this is quite relatable to people who work in an office. I worked in an office for about three months once and when I pooped in the wrong bathroom I got so many dirty looks about it. I quickly learned that there was a correct toilet to poop in. So political in these offices. Yeesh.
Jennifer gets assigned her first case and it is to Emil Blonsky, there is a bit of a conflict of interest there as he is The Abomination and tried to kill her own dear cousin, Bruce. Ofc, he is very charming and English accented now and no longer high on super soldier serum so he manages to turn Jennifer Walters to his side. And who can blame her? He is very charismatic.
Jen follows up with Bruce to see if it’s okay with him that she takes Emil on as a client, and Bruce reveals that he and the abomination have made up since their fight and Emil even wrote him a beautiful haiku.
Now putting behind a huge fight like that with someone that tried to take your life is pretty crazy, but that’s not the weird part the weird part is that Hulk was inside of a spaceship the whole time and then he jets off into space.
After She-Hulk accepts her job offer, her creepy boss tells her to turn on the news, and then she sees that people have finally seen Shang-Chi, even if they didn’t make it out to the theaters it’s been streaming long enough, and the world now knows about the Abomination cage fighting in China. The issue is, he broke out of jail to go to China. So that’s tough, but if you saw Shang-Chi then you know that it was actually Wong who broke him out of jail and sent him to cage fight. Which, like, if we get a Wong episode, I will shit. I won’t even use the map to find the good pooping bathroom, I will straight shit. Long Live Wong.
WONG (sorcerer) SUPREMACY!!!